Back to the keyboard

I am feeling the need to blog again – so much happens in life! So very very much!

Rolf, Claudia, Marian, Bürbel, Wanda, Dorit, Dorothea, Peter, Dagmar, Constance, Ingrid, meine Freunden – ich bitte seine Verzeihung!

I’m not going to commit to catch up – I’ll never get to current if I do – so for now I will content myself to talk about what’s going on right *now*.

I sang.

No big deal – eh? It’s “what I do”. But it hasn’t been. Singing has given me great fits of anxiety for many months. I sang the Verdi Requiem in April, and pulled myself together for that, but since then you couldn’t pay me to sing. Ok, well, you *could* have, and in fact, I was (Mozart Requiem in August), but practice for practice sake? Forget it. The mere idea of it pushed me into anxiety (thank you BB for helping me sort that out and name it!).  This has been garden-variety anxiety complete with racing heart rate, nausea, and light headedness.  Not fun!  Consequentially, I’ve also avoided the people who have been most closely associated with my singing (IF and JT primarily – I’m sorry.  How do I fix it??)

But today? Today I sang. I met with Svetlana – my amazing collaborative artist and friend (she is so much more than an accompanist). I was scared to sing, my voice felt rough around the edges, intonation felt insecure. But I sang. I gave, I lost myself in the music. And my voice honored me by returning.

Praise God. My voice came back. I could cry.

Thank you Svetlana. Thank you Bill. Thank you Melissa. Thank you Erin. Thank you Jenn.

I have a couple recitals coming up – 2 so far. Hoping to work with a choir this winter, too. Mal schauen.

Deets on the one secure recital – Sunday February 26, 3pm. Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Centre County.  Program to include de Falla, Faure, Verdi, and John Duke. 

My friends in Germany – I miss you. It’s been one year! Can you believe it? One year ago I met you and started to become friends. 8 months ago I dropped off the face of the earth to you.

If I am honest, and why shouldn’t I be?, I feel a bit like a failure. I tried. I fell. And I haven’t gotten back up – that’s what separates the big girls from the children. But maybe I still can? I have a friend who is going through looking for a new job late in his career. I tease him that he is an inspiration to me – but he really is. If he can pull his stuff together, maybe I can too.

Nevertheless, I sang. And it felt good.

Oh yeah – and I’m teaching a full load. And I LOVE LOVE LOVE it.

Life is good, friends.

Advertisement